Chimamire Suna
by Junkyousha.No.Tsubaki
Summary: My perspective of Gaara's sad existenc, from his childhood until he became the Kazekage. As he grows, he becomes an emotional wreck, only to then learn to care and grow fond of people.


**Chimamire Suna**

_Blood Covered Sand_

Hello, this is my first _Naruto _story. This story revolves around Gaara a lot, but I will include quite a few other characters. Please show mercy in your comments, I was not born in an English speaking family. If you come across any mistake, please feel free to notify me.

All rights reserved. Characters belong to the creator of _Naruto._

**Chimamire Suna**

_First chapter: __Color of the Sand_

_Gaara's Point of view..._

Alone in my bedroom with toys as sole friends, from my window I could see the dark sky illuminated by a crescent moon. The wind was carrying tiny grains of sand, unaware of their destination. As the son of the Kazekage, I lived in a comfortable house if the standarts could be its width.It was just domes connected among each others, empty and silent. There were very few furnitures. As for my bedroom, it was just another dome. About fifty pillows and seventy-six toys were covering the floor, making it invisible. There was no bed, no shelves, no drawers, not even a closet. There were only those damned green, red, blue, white or purple pillows. I had sixty-two plushes out of my many toys.

...This is where I lived my first five years. I was over protected. Although I never hurt myself, two men were always guarding my room.

And to answer why there was no bed in my room, the reason is quite simple.

I can't sleep.

As I was looking outside, my eyes widened as a extremely uncommon firefly landed in front of my eyes. I pushed open the transluscent door and I went on my balcony surrounded by a wire fence, a protection against the danger to fall. The firefly was there, waiting for me to reach out and take it. As soon as I stepped out of my room, sand started to converge at my feet. I reached out and caught the insect. I was proud of myself, fireflies were almost a legend in the desert. Holding the frail creature, I returned in my room, closing the door behind me. I decided to show it to my father. I quietly left my room and I started walkind towards my father's, where he was without any doubt sleeping. Recognising me, no guard ever stopped my progression, often giving me indulgent smiles. I ignored them, focused on the mission that I had assigned to my self. After a small amount of time, I reached my goal. I slowly pushed the door open and I entered the room. A smile on the lips, I approached the bed. Father was fast asleep and looked peaceful. Perhaps, in what we call dreams, he could see his deceased wife. Or maybe, just maybe, the family portrait was not stained by my undesired presence in his fantasies.

- Father, father, look! Look what I have found!

I was waiting for him to praise me or to show some indulgence, but I never expected him to grab my arm as sand was appearing to protect me from eventual bruises.

- Gaara, what did I tell you!?

- To... To never wake you up... But father, I found a firefly!

I opened my hand to show him the insect. The luminescent creature took flight. I looked at it for a moment, before I saw a knife hit it to then end in the ceiling. My eyes widened, as I stared at the light slowly dimming before it went black. It was dead. I brought my attention on my father again.

- Return to your room, and do not bother me anymore!

- Yes, father... I'm sorry...

I left the room and closed it behind me.

- Filthy monster..., my father whispered.

I pretended not to hear and I returned to my room, slightly sad. Was my father ever proud of me? Kneeling among the pillows, I searced for my favorite teddy bear before I tightly hugged it.

_I had everything I wanted..._

This is just an ephemeral moment in my life... I was all alone with my toys, but none of them, no matter how pretty or entertaining it may be, may replace the presence of a living being. My father never took care of me, and all the kids of my village hated me for a reason I did not understand. I felt alone and forgotten.

...School. When I see the infamous sign on top of the door, I feel like it should be written ''Hell''. I looked at the sign for a moment before I followed the other students who were going in my classroom. I went to sit in a corner. I was alone at my table and since I was in front of the class, there was no one in front of me, and no one behind. Staring in the air, I was listening to the whispers coming from the other kids in the classroom, all these things they liked to say behind my back.

" He doesn't look friedly at all... Don't look at him like that... That monster doesn't deserve to be here... ''

Monster... This word was always said, again and again... What sin did I commit to be insulted like that? I never did anything to harm anyone...

The door opened, taking my attention there. Our Sensei was coming in. It was a tall kunoichi, with pure white hair and beautiful green eyes.

- Silence, and sit down. Today, we will have a test for thirty minutes. There will be a little trip for the remaining hours of the morning.

- Yaaay!, the kids said.

- No..., I whispered.

I never really liked explorations. I prefered to remain at my place all day long. Walking while I was surrounded by other children who were avoiding and ignoring me was difficult. To be alone in a crowd of happy people laughing among themselves was painful for me. It did not hurt my flesh, but it hurt somewhere in my chest.

The test was rather simple. There were three questions. The first one was:

" You wake up in the morning, you eat your breakfast and you leave your house to meet with your friends, who are waiting on the edge of the village. They want you to play with a ball in their company. Suddenly, you realise that they keep going farther and farther away from the willage as time passes. What should you do?''

Just thinking about it, I am willing to kill someone now... I could not help but read the question more than once.

I would have liked to wake up in the morning after a long night of those dreams I do not know. To eat breakfast was not in my personnal habits, because our diet was strict. I only ate twice in the day at noon and eight o'clock. In the middle of the week, if I acted nicely, I could eat something at two in the morning. While on the subject, I do recall men gambling on the fascinating subject "How long will Gaara survive?''.

I would have liked to have friends who try to get me to follow them in the desert to play all day long, all night long, as long as eternity is...

My answer to the question:

"I know all about dangers in the desert. I don't have friends, but if I can prevent them from getting hurt, I will help. I don't even think that it is possible for anyone to invite me to play. I would be glad to...''

Dream, eat...

" I would be glad to...''

Play...

" I would be glad to...''

Bleed...

" I would be glad to...''

Die...

" I would be glad to... Prove myself useful and do my best.''

I closed my eyes and I pressed my hand on my chest. It was the only pain I ever felt.

Friends... Playmates... It hurts... It hurts so much...

- Gaara?

I jumped, startled, raising my eyes towards my Sensei.

- Are you sick, she asked. Would you like to go to the nurse's office?

I shook my head, taking my pencil again

- No... No, I'm okay...

Alright.

She put a hand on my head. I saw the gest but I did not feel her touch. I saw sand falling in front of my eyes. My Sensei stepped back, as sand was falling on the floor. I lloked at her, worried. She seemed scared.

- I'm so sorry, Sensei...

I looked at my feet to see the sand moving in little waves. In the corner of my eyes, I saw that my Sensei had returned to her desk. I put my attention back on my three question test, but an annoying sensation was preventing me from focusing on the second question. I turned on myself to look at the other students. Some of them were intensely staring at me, while some others were occasionnaly sending me furtive looks. Our Sensei quickly noticed.

- Gaara, I'm sorry, but you will have to continue outside. Sit beside the door. When you will be done, you may come back to give me your sheet.

I nodded and went outside with my test and my pencil.

_But it was not enough for me..._

As I was answering the last question, a group of third years walked by to go outside. When they saw me, they started whispering instead of speaking normally, following their Sensei. A boy stopped walking in front of me and he pulled another boy out of the line.

- Hey, Kankuro... This monster lives with you, doesn't he?

I raised my eyes enough to see Kankuro turn his eyes towards the rest of the class, concerned.

- Leave Gaara alone, he did not do anything to you. Let us follow our Sensei.

- No, wait, Kankuro...

I stared in surprise as the boy was took his arm to tightly hold him. What does it feel like to be touched? I could see that this contact was not pleasing for Kankuro. Was it painful?

- If you live with him, you must be a monster too... Am I right?

... Monster...

- Gaara, you are nothing more than a monster, just like Kankuro and Temari!

- That is enough, Shinmaru!

Kankuro punched him in the face. Under the hit, a drop of blood fell on my paper. My anger dissapeared as astonishment was taking its place. I raised the sheet to take a closer look. Blood came with pain. Was the boy hurt? Their Sensei's voice caught my attention.

- Shinmaru, Kankuro, stop it and come over here!

- Sensei, Kankuro punched me!, cried Shinmaru.

I raised my eyes toward Kankuro, smiling, thankful for his protection.When I saw the anger deep in his eyes, my smile vanished. Without saying a word, he followed his Sensei.

My family...

Kankuro and Temari... I could see them everyday without talking to them. Temari always avoided me. Father felt that he had to protect her from me.

I looked at the blood on my test once again. Just like ink, it had become a part of the sheet. I forgot the blood and decided to resume the test.

The trip consisted of going to a lake near from the village for us to build sand castles. Our Sensei said that it was useful to improve manual skills. As for me, all that was needed to build a sand castle was spiritual dexterity and good will. I lacked spiritualism then.

- We have all morning to build castles, the Sensei said. You may go for a swim if you remain close from here...

She started one of those speeches about safety rules that Senseis repeat every single day and that kids listen to quietly no matter how many times they hear it. I lowered my eyes to look at the wet sand where I was sitting, very close from the water. I knew that the structure of a good sand castle had to be made with wet sand. I had to manipulate it with my hands since it was heavier than the sand surrounding me.

I started to build my castle at the same moment than the other students. I thought it was pleasing to let the heavy sand flow between my fingers. As my castle was taking form, I decided to stop and look at all the other kids. They were all in small groups and none of them was not smiling. Why were not any other kid alone as I was? Why couldn't I see them?

Why was I the only one like this?

I stretched and my eyes caught a glimpse of someone coming toward my Sensei. I recognized Kankuro's sensei. I decided to observe them. After all, as the castle in front of me was getting bigger so was my tiredness. After a short amount of time, the two Senseis were coming to see me.

- Gaara, Kaimaru wants you to follow him back to the school, my Sensei said.

- What? But why?

Kaimaru-Sensei bent over me, a serious look in his eyes.

- There were problems in my class, and since your name was mentionned, I think it is your fault.

Kankuro and Shinmaru... What kind of feelings did they share for eachother?

- We will have to put you in detention with the two students in conflict until we have facts.

My Sensei looked at him with nearly agressive eyes.

- Gaara is my student. I know him better than you do. I know it has nothing to do with him, he's a good-natured child.

- Mikazuki, Shinmaru said it was his fault. They are always arguing and I always want to end their conflicts quickly. That is why Gaara...

I looked down on my castle, ignoring them. I could clearly hear Mikazuki-Sensei speak angrily with her colleague as he was trying to make her see his point. I had important things to do, such as complete my castle, like my Sensei asked. I replayed the scene in my head. How did Kankuro feel the contact of Shinmaru's hand? What sensation did Shinmaru get when he got punched? Why was I hurt by his words?

"Gaara, you are nothing more than a monster, just like Kankuro and Temari!''

The pain felt terrible. I pressed my hand yet again on my chest. I was feeling tired, but it was nothing compared to the pain in my heart.

- ...Mikazuki-Sensei...

She did not listen to me. I put a hand on my head. Their loud voices were blurred with the voices of the other kids, all getting louder as time was passing by. I was exhausted and I felt a lot of weariness. Was it because of my insomnia, or due to the atmosphere?

- Mikazuki-Sensei, I don't feel so well..., I whispered

No one was listening. I suddenly felt that all souls were getting farther away, leaving me alone in the desert, abandonning me. Breathing became difficult for me as tears were beginning to appear in my eyes.

_Nothing may replace the presence of a living being..._

- SENSEI, I screamed.

All in my head became quiet again as my teacher was turning her glance toward me.

- I... I would be glad to return to school... I do not feel well at all... I don't mind following Kaimaru-San...

Surprised, she looked at the other teacher, sighing.

- Alright, but Kaimaru, don't push him. He's tired and what happened is not his fault.

Kaimaru-San nodded.

- I know... By the way, kid... That's a beautiful castle.

I smiled, rising up to follow him. When we were away from the students, I turned my head to look at my castle. My eyes widened when I saw a two meters high castle clear against the azur sky. In front of it, the castle on which my hands were working was not as great as I thought it was. Did the sand create this fortress in answer to all my desires and my determination?

_I had everything I wanted..._

_But it was not enough for me..._

_Nothing may replace the presence of a living being..._

So, how was it? Please send me a review!


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